The Wrath of Kon
by egochan
Summary: Kon finds his long lost plushie twin, but Ichigo is destined to be the force that separates such cosmic bonds. What is a poor Kon to do?


**Title:** The Wrath of Kon  
**Characters:** Kon, Brother Kon, Ichigo Kurosaki  
**Pairing:** I would literally cry my eyes out if I paired any of these three...  
**Series:** Bleach  
**Genre:** Humour/Humour :crosses fingers and weeps:  
**Rating:** PG-13-ish (language)  
**Summary:** Kon finds his long lost plushie twin, but Ichigo is destined to be the force that separates such cosmic bonds. What is a poor Kon to do?  
**Warning:** Teh STICKY pwns your soul and gets all over your hands. Ew. Wipe if off! Wipe it off! Oh for the love of God! NOOOOOOO:pause: Alright, I'm done being weird... :liar:  
**Notes:** I almost lost this fic. The title is so lame, and if you know where it comes from, believe me, you are better off not bringing it up or I'll call you a dork. Why? Because I am a hypocrite, that's why. smiles sweetly  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach. Or Kon. Or anything but the distant dream that I will become a world famous ballerina in my next life. That THAT Dziadek. I's got toes!

A child ran up with sticky fingers and face, stickier arms and clothes and hair. Sticky shoes and what one could expect were sticky knees. His small body glistened with the sticky, and he revelled in the experience of grabbing things to adhere to himself and awing at how they refused to let go. He eagerly offered the culprit of this magnificent stickiness, a festive rainbow lolly dropping with drool, to the young man he didn't know who had been watching him with disgust.

"Want the sticky, mister?" he asked, innocently enough for a mere five years of existing.

"Like hell," the young man said with scorn for such an idea, such a mental image he loathed to mentally imagine, that was being present to him by this sticky child.

"Want Mr. Teddy?" the boy asked again, reassessing the situation. He presented his left elbow, where Mr. Teddy was clinging for dear life by a few coagulated swine of sugar-infused drool.

The young man's eyes widened in horrified recognition. "What the hell? _Kon_?" He grabbed at the plush furiously, momentarily ignoring the sticky as it dripped into his body, where it would spread and thus consume him. "I'm NOT washing this out, you little freak, and I don't wanna know how you got here."

There was a voice then, from the young man's bag that wasn't his bag but actually his friend Rukia's, therefore explaining the cute flower and pink design. The voice was that of a fuzzy minded and rather thoroughly trundled plush bear named Kon. It said, "What? Sister put me in here, fool. And why the hell would you wash me? Did I get strawberry jelly on me from the sandwiches?"

The young man paused in mid fuss over the state of the supposed Kon's fabric and stared. "Holy crap," he said, stunned, "there's another animal plush in this world as ugly as you are?"

"OH MY GOD!"" Kon screamed ecstatically before the young man could register what was happening. "IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" The plush's eyes were hearts and his heart was filled to nearly explosive proportions. "LOOK AT THAT CRAFTSMANSHIP! THE STITCHES--OH GOD--THE STITCHES!"

The young man was thoroughly wierded out by now. The Sticky Master of a moment ago had already trotted off, distracted by the likes of cotton candy and dragonflies. As such, the young man was left alone and staring blankly where he knelt in the grass, the sticky plush abducted by the other insane one. Something, somewhere, was very wrong with the world, and it was probably what was currently trampling the grass before him in gleeful dance.

"Oh shit," the young man grumbled sourly. If there one thing that pissed him off more than being sticky for no reason, which it seemed he now was, it was a happy Kon.

"We're taking this fellow home," Kon announced as he tumbled back towards the bag. He placed the twin carefully besides the strawberry sandwiches and settle himself alongside. "We're washing the sticky off, and we're gonna keep him as a part of the family. Obviously, he is a very adorable part of the family, so I don't want him around anymore little kids. Cuteness is very delicate and takes great responsibility to maintain. Why else would I look so good?"

The young man's eye twitched involuntarily. "I'm not taking that thing home with me. One shitface plush animal is enough, thanks."

"But we can't leave him here," Kon cried, grabbing at his comrade protectively. "He can't take care of himself. Who knows what will happen to my poor inanimate brother?"

"Look, I'll throw the damn thing in the river for you if you don't shut the fuck up. _I'm not taking it home_."

Kon looked as devastated as a plush bear could manage with such limited expression. He pleaded with the young man. "Dammit, Ichigo!"

The young man, Ichigo, denied the plea. "Throw it the fuck away."

"Never," Kon announced dramatically. He began to cling more furiously to the other plush, but feared his stubby, blunt paws would not be enough. "You will have to throw me away as well."

"Hm. Well, I really have no problem with that," Ichigo said with a dark grin that shot fear into the very fluffy soul of poor Kon. There was no doubt the young man would do such a thing. No doubt in the slightest.

"I will never forgive you," Kon said.

"Yeah, that's kinda hard when you're being swept downstream."

"You wouldn't dare."

Ichigo was smirking. "Look me in the eye and say that again."

Kon couldn't. Ichigo reached for the push and Kon covered his eyes in despair. Everything was lost and his poor brother would be mauled to pieces.

"I'll put him in the tree where no one will find him," Ichigo suggested. Kon's flow of melodramatic tears slowed a little.

"You will at least keep him safe? Why not take him with us instead, you bastard."

"Because I'm not trying to keep it safe," Ichigo said to correct him. "I'm saving the world from the likes of it's ugly face."

This threw Kon into furious convulsions yet again. He threatened to tell Rukia. He called Ichigo a cruel and heartless bastard. He even so far as to try and climb the tree after his brother, only to despair at the uselessness of his felt claws. If he had been a true lion, he assured Ichigo, he would have ripped Ichigo to pieces. To this Ichigo reminded Kon that if he had been a real lion, they would not be having this argument because the plush would mean nothing to either of them.

"Alas, he was so beautiful," Kon moaned in anguish as he stared over the edge of Rukia's bag. He and Ichigo were leaving and the only thing to do was look back and despair further over the loss. "Life is so cruel to you, my lovely reflection of cuteness. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu--umph!"

"Shut the hell up," Ichigo snapped, pushing Kon deeper into the back. Kon struggled, but his plush body was too easily dominated by Ichigo's strength. He murmured weakly beneath the strawberry sandwiches and pack of juice boxes as the last rays of unfiltered light ended with Ichigo zipping the bag shut.

**Endnote:** I was thinking to make this longer. Too bad I suck. TwT


End file.
